Autism can be a mystery. Growing up in the close-knit community of Napavine (near Centralia) Tanner Calder was the youngest of four kids growing up in a typical busy family. He had a happy home life, enjoyed school and participated in art, and performed as a lead dancer in “The Nutcracker.”
Yet, Tanner didn’t know why he struggled with anxiety and depression, and needed help from therapists to feel better. During a high school class, a segment on autism was presented. Tanner thought it was interesting.
Clues lead to an autism diagnosis
Several years later, a therapist at Tanner’s church solved the puzzle and correctly diagnosed Aspergers. He was 18.
“For the first couple of years I was angry at the world, God, my parents and a lot of different things. I wondered how I could go all those years and nobody could tell me or my parents what was ‘wrong’ with me. At first I was very secretive about it,” Tanner admits.
After a year or two Tanner began opening up with people around him and came to a state of acceptance. He began meeting others whose families were touched by autism. He attended college for a year, and then decided to take a year off to focus on personal things.
“I am high functioning, but I have some barriers in work and social environments,” said Tanner. “I feel like I overcome it a lot. At work, I could talk to people, but I can’t always read their reactions to my ideas. I have to constantly watch what I say, regardless of how well I know my co-workers.”
Autism leads to advocacy – Tanner steps up
Tanner began meeting others in the autism community. Three years ago a parent with a child on the spectrum invited him to a meeting of the Autism Coalition to share his story. He’s been actively involved ever since, attending meetings, making invaluable contributions, serving on the Autism Coalition Board and committees, and helping with strategic planning.
“The coalition is a good outlet for my ideas. My parents, siblings and entire community have been great advocates for me, and I like returning that energy to the community. My siblings always like to hear the news about our projects.”
Milestones, marriage and more
As Tanner was growing as a role model for kids and an active advocate for people in the autism community, he began his search for a life partner. “I found Chelsea on Facebook and invited her out for dinner and a movie, Tanner said.
“We’ve been together for five years and married about a year and a half ago. I told her about my autism, and she knew what it was from her work as a teaching assistant. She understands and has been nothing but supportive. She has never let me use my autism as an excuse for anything.”
Tanner worked the last few years in the security field and wished to pursue a law enforcement career, but recently changed gears and is currently an Employment Services Job Coach with Reliable Enterprises in Centralia.
Learn about resources for adults on the autism spectrum